| they were worried that after his death I would fall back into drug use they were right. When I met my fiance I was addicted to drugs. I have been addicted to drugs off and on since I was 18 all after traumatic events I have been strong I thought and I always just felt I could fix myself. My son lived with his father when he was younger then I got better made a good life for us away from all of my family. A few years ago something triggered inside my son had a daughter and I think I felt like a failure. Like why couldn’t I ever get it together enough to keep him from the same struggles I started using drugs again when he left home, this time I thought I had it together. Well I lost my job and since then my son moved to Texas cause I shut the door after he was gone for several months. He moved back to Texas he is 22 now. I was going to college I never did I actually had a good success in sales since the death I have never been able to really back on my feet I get better for a bit then I fall back, I live alone with my dog. I had to quiet school cause of the drug use and lack of money. I have been doing something for money that I think I try to find alright, I am scared to admit to the real people who can help yet I yell it to those who are addicts just like me I am selling my body. Today I realize though that it has gotten so bad that isn’t working I can’t leave the house I am trying to find ways to get better cause I don’t ever want to disappoint those i love. I don’t know how anymore I don’t have a job, well except seeing men and I know I am lying to myself thinking its all right. I am soon going to be 40 and I know I want to make a change I know if I could just get the chance I could if I could just get the help I could change my life I could help others if I could just the chance to get help and not have to figure it out on my own while trying to also pay my bills live I know I would help others. Today has been a day of trying to do that searching for answers I started out today trying to be positive thought it was working but slowly realized it wasn’t. Because I have always turned to drugs at the times the depression got bad or sex, I have always been scared to get the help I needed cause everyone considered me to just be an addict, I know that it isnt drugs cause I self indulge in other things too to try and cure, this the feeling I have today. I am hoping that people will see its not just soilders that have served the war, and its not monsters I have never hurt anyone in my life except myself I am one of the most giving persons I have ever known the problem is I give to the wrong people and I give to those who have drained me. I have watched Dr. Phil yet never reached out cause he made me feel like I am just an addict and how could I. I know being an addict is not the problem I know that if I could get the real help I need I could finally have a life of permanent change, I know the self help books | | Contact
| Name: | Colonel | | Phone: | JarUYkpGXK27 |
|
